This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
