Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
