I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
