My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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