so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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