He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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