Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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