lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
