Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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