I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize