Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
