why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
