Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
