Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
