I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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