Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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