I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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