Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
