Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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