I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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