Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
