The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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