after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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