is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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