Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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