when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
