too bad you live with your parents still
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
