I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
