Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
