tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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