Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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