she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
