Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
