Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
