apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
