I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
