Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
