just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
