Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
