I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
