I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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