Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
