Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Never underestimate the power of titties
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
