I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
