coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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