My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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