stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
