I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
