she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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