He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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