Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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