Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
