He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
